Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
