he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize