Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
