I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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