My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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