At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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