Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
