just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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