I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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