I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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