the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
