She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
