he wants to bone in the snuggie
You can't motorboat a personality
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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