u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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