i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
