so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
