you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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