if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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