the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
