I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
