i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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