If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
