Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
