what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
