you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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