Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
