I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
