I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
