I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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