Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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