My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
