I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
