I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
