ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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