Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
