You really coming over, don't trick.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
