guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have demons in me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
