just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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