I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
