The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
