did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
