you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
