oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
