6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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