Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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