I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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