I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
