I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
