Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
These tits shall not be calmed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
