I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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