But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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