You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
