is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
