Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
