i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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