I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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