I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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