well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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