Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
pray to the hookup gods
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
