I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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