We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
