I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
