Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
