Me. At least after what I've been through.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
