Already got asked if we're dating
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
