I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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