Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
