do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
