we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
