I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
