It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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