hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
