he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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