Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
