I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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