I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
