is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
