The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He has the fingertips of a God
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
