At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
