I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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