you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
