hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
