Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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