there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
