Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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