How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
