I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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